just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
