I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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