never play flip cup with pint glasses
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
