Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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