halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
