I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
