What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We got so high we made milksteak
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
