ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Randomize
