just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
