i just google imaged poop.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
