Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
