somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
