I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
