if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
