I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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