They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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