so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
