If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
