i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
