I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
