Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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