I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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