He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
