'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dick very happy bro
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
