Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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