Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Holy sore nipples Batman
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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