I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
