its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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