have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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