You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
