seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
