I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ttyl tear gas
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
