The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
