At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
