Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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