He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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