My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When are your genitals available?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
