I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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