eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
