i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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