i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
