im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
