he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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