For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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