How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
