he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
