were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
