dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
