she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
