At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We just shotgunned beers for America
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
