your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
