He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
