after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.