if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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