so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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