did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
