fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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