my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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