You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
