Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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