atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
