Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
