Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
