yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
