Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
