I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
