Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
