The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
