u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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