So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
