He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
