So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
