i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
