What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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