Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
