NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
