Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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