I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
