Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
