what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
