Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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