And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
