Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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