it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
